It’s about time we did this November 4

Filed under DC, Selves, MBG, The Maestro, BPC by The Maestro | 4 comments

MBG missed a perfect opportunity the other day to do something we first discussed when this blog was but a twinkle in our eyes and increased blood flow in our corpus cavernosum.

And that something is, the inaugural Biscuit Pan Cleaner award.

What (or, more appropriately, who) is a BPC? While the etymology of the term is a story too long to tell here, I think you all can probably figure out what “cleaning the biscuit pan” means (and if you can’t, try thinking of it as something someone would tell you to check urbandictionary.com to learn).

Anyway, the first honoree is the “brother” I shared a cab with in the wee hours of Saturday morning. (Brother as in frat brother, not in any other slang meaning of the word). Mr. BPC and his fellow brother were in the backseat when I jumped in the front seat outside of work. The cabbie said he had to drop off these two guys but then would take me home to the district. The first guy got dropped off about three blocks away and didn’t pay, leaving Mr. BPC to foot the whole bill upon being dropped off about eight blocks after that.

So, when it came time for Mr. BPC to pay the $16 he owed after two stops in Arlington after being picked up in Georgetown, he handed over a wad of cash to the cabbie and apologized for all the ones. Unfortunately for the driver, the wad was just ones…and only nine of them.

The cabbie realized this, rolled down his window and started honking and yelling at Mr. BPC about short-changing him. The douchebag wouldn’t turn around and acknowledge his misdeed, so the cabbie spent the next five minutes of our ride (understandably) bitching and angry. I ended up giving him $35 for taking me home. As the last time I took the work-to-home trip it was in a metered Virginia cab and a shorter drive and cost me $20-something, I figured $10 to cover Mr. BPC and the rest for my tip was a fair price.

So congrats, “brother”. You are the first-ever Biscuit Plan Cleaner!
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PS: Speaking of urbandictionary.com, I demand someone go and submit the following definition (learned at a party last night and slightly amended by a few authors of this blog) for Death Star:

When you’re having sex with a pregnant girl, and at the moment of her orgasm you pull out and punch her in the stomach, aborting the baby. You must also refer to what comes out and onto the bed as “the remains of Alderaan”.

4 comments

  1. Vermonstrous Nov 4

    Sigh. Pregnant woman. Aborting the fetus. Yeah.

  2. Tweaks Nov 5

    I thought about it and still did not understand Biscuit Pan Cleaner. MBG had to explain it to me this morning.

  3. The Maestro Nov 5

    Tweaks, I hope that wasn’t too traumatic of an experience for you.

  4. Matthew Barney Gumble Nov 5

    “You know when you just cooked some biscuits but you didn’t use any nonstick, so there are these little brown crunchy bits just clinging to the pan…”

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